5:} You Really Never Can Go Home

Everyone
must have been
warned to keep their
hands off. Why else would
no one utter a welcome word?
They treated me as if I were the
plague. Her message got to them all.
She alone wants complete control over me,
fuckin'bitch...
 

4:} Pa Can't Close Pandora's Box

Pa,
wearing his old,
familiar sweater-vest
along with a puzzled face,
opens the door. It takes a few
moments for him to recognize me
in the fading light.
“Michael!
What are you
doing here?"

3:} Rainbows End Over Prison Point

Since 9 or 10 years of age,
I have terribly missed an entire half
of our family. With a broken heart I lived
for years agonizing about why. My brother and
sisters either didn’t know themselves, or
were sparing me from painful reality.
Her cruelty began early on
and greatly intensified
throughout her
lifetime...

2:} Dark Retreat Of Self

The shadow world of the esplanade
stills my tormented mind into contemplation.
Toward familiar heavens I reason about a motive
behind life filled with pain and isolation. In stoical
faith I plead for relief from this unbearable gift
lacking purpose for a worthier future.
The cryptic answer is always
mine, never
His...

1:} Things I've Never Thought To Tell

So many aberrant
events and unspeakable
memories consumed my childhood
nearly every day that they became unremarkable
to me. Inevitable, inescapable and relentless, the physical
and emotional assaults deadened my spirit into habitual apathy.
Dominated by her volatile temper, passivity meant survival, submission
an offering to lessen the frequency of aggressions. Life was incomparable
to, and especially incompatible with anyone else's.
My zest for living became forever benumbed
by a belt buckle or punch in the face.
Or even worse, belittlement,
rejection, coldness
and the cruelty
of isolation.
The
familiar
nature of
my life is not
monstrous to me.
These are things I've
just never thought
to tell anyone...

Prologue: Oblivion Regenerating

Two words answer
an impulsive question
bubbling from my daydream;
they trigger shock and confusion
steeped in a mirepoix of paranoia.
Dumbfounded in suspended thought,
infernal assailants of old challenge me;
flushing heat, palpitations, dry mouth,
sweating, breathlessness, pronounced
sense of impending doom and the
growing tremble of panic at
my inability to respond.
This is oblivion...
regenerating.

Dedication: Gazing At A Face In The Mind

The Moon card of the Tarot represents
fertility of imagination and dreams.
It is Major Arcana number 18 of
important animal symbolism
with no human figures.
A wild wolf and a
domesticated
dog are
depicted
howling at
The Moon...

Introduction: Crescent Moon Howling At The Fool {Reversed}

The Fool (22/0)


We begin
with the Fool,
a card of beginnings.
The Fool stands for each of us
as we begin our journey of life...