9:} Not 'Getting' Humor Is A Symptom

Today,
I Can 'Get' Humor.
There is no doubt in my
mind that I was born with ADD
into a world I wouldn’t wish upon
even my worst enemy, and believe me,
I've encountered a few…



Unrecognized or misread ADHD,
particularly if Inattentive in type,
paves a very long, treacherous and
dreary highway through one's life.
Red flags flap wild in the breeze
to mark the miles past signless
clover-leafs that all end
in the same place;

insidious suffering,
mounting problems in
school, during play
and especially in
family life.

The drive down
every exit ramp concludes
with breaking down and becoming lost
 deep in labyrinths of emotional and physical
childhood maltreatment.


Next,
fearsome
tortures of PTSD
steer the wheel on a
dragrace to overwhelming
shame, guilt and self-loathing.
These are refueled at pitstops with
driving instructions composed of lies
promoted through deceit by caregivers
and mentors who relate contrarily their
trusted and sacred roles. With lustful
pleasure they cold-heartedly negate
the self-worth of their vulnerble
charges in withdrawals of
affection, rejection by
banishment into
isolation from
humanity,

until
estrangement
from life itself
becomes never-ending.
Victims beg and plead for the
forgiveness their falsely-implanted
self-perceptions tell them is undeserved.
To prove they won't do it again, promises
are made using their very lives as collateral
by crossing hearts beneath falling teardrops
mixed with dripping mucous while

professing
wishes
to
die
if they should.

They mean this,
believing from the depths
of their souls they are the sole
cause of any problem there ever was
plus all the trouble in the entire world.
For trying with all their might to do right,
to be good and not bad, to please and not
spark anger or rage, they are generously
rewarded debilitating and relentless
anxieties, self-diminution,
substance abuse and
major depression
eating disorders,
plus untold
treasures
of risky
lifestyle
behaviors.


If this seems to you
over-exaggerated or unlikely to happen
very often, please slowly read the words again.
Written on paper are thoughts, ideas, and theories.
Yet they incompletely describe realities experienced by
unimagineable, incomprehensible numbers who enter
this vale of tears as innocent, vulnerable wee ones.
They grow up as incomplete human beings who
wander aimlessly and without purpose,
lost in voids of shadow while
searching for identity or
any sense of self
imbued with
hope and
meaning
in life.

Inattentives
were branded
{and some still are}
as lazy, unmotivated, apathetic,
indifferent, thoughtless, sloppy, careless,
shiftless, disinterested wishful thinkers.
We were uninvolved, unconcerned,
unemotional, unresponsive,
anti-social, unmindful,
negligent, unloved,
uncaring, listless
daydreamers
who never

even tried to
accomplish anything.
Such descriptions gave
personal sadistic delight
to all deranged caregivers
who miscast lives on purpose
in undeserved roles directed by
accusations or indefensible lies,
ceaseless torment and distress,
burdens of shame and dread,
egregious disheartenment
by the gravity in life
that is known as

"Seriousness'.

Disharmony
once trapped
within my spirit
has been replaced!
And it was distraction,
amusement and laughter
that seduced the madness
from my life and reminds
me in delight that I am
not who I once truly
believed I was.

My goal is
to find and experience
the humor that passed me by,
so I may laugh, like others, at life's
unexpected and meaningless trivialities.
I will learn how to not take life seriously
even if it takes my whole life to succeed.
For as long as I continue to move forward
from the purgatory of past difficulties,
I will be winning in the fight against
'Seriousness', the nemesis of life,
becoming able to frolic,
play, sing and laugh,
and never be
too serious
about
life!